So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.
They used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
I would tell you my autumn joke but you probably wouldn't fall for it
I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Manchester.
Always identify who to blame in an emergency.
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